Who?

The name is Jowelle

Belives in : Photographs preserves the best memories left behind

zaty Adila Next? Next?

Next? Next? Next? Next?

Next? Next? Next? Next?

Next? Next? Next? Next?

This title may be the plainest and worst title ever but it truly describes my current situation. How can life be even better than this?

Currently undertaking an unpaid internship in a non-profit organisation (NGO), I am feeling so happy, truly happy. Its like, how can I ever be so lucky? This affects me so much that I want to retain this memory in this blog so that I can look back and remind myself I once had such fortune in my low periods.

When I first told my friends and family that I am doing an unpaid internship, everyone thought I was crazy! Everyone questioned my choice to abandon the opportunity to earn more money and be more practical as the person I am. Even I questioned myself if this choice is the right decision. Am I being too selfish to live off my parents and pursue my dream at the age of 20?

Although this is only my 3rd day in the job, I would say No! Of course it will be great if the next 3 months will be as meaningful as these 3 days, but no one can predict what will happen, and since I have already committed myself to this job, why not enjoy the most of it? It is a selfish decision but now that I look back, when in my life will I have another opportunity like this? I may be doing free labour but from another perspective, I am receiving free education! This is a thought that just dawned on me just now. The opportunity to learn soft skills, interaction with people, new knowledge! Sure a paid opportunity will be the best but without the money, I am relieved of the burden I give to myself.

1) No responsibilities
Definitely not totally! Its just that without taking the money, I feel that I become more stress-free and worry-free about the job. I grew to love the job and look forward to work! As someone who constantly worries about my performance at work, I often try to find things to do during my internship and get more stress and worried when there is nothing for me to do. Even so, I wouldn't dare to use my phone, surf the net to do more important stuff such as online courses which I was doing in this job because I'm a paid staff. Without this worry, I stopped to consider how others think of me and focus on doing my job well, learn from the job, etc which became my real learning in a stress-free environment.

2) Passion
Whatever I'm doing now, I'm purely depending on my passion. If it burns out, I hope not and don't think it will. Visiting houses under the hot weather, walking past the corridors which have smells which are rather foreign, sometimes unpleasant to me, has caused my nose to run, throat to dry, in total, sick! But it is also through these experiences that I learn more about different people and situations in the society which cannot be bought by money. You have to truly experience it to understand the learning and ask if you still have the passion to continue. Of course, at times I felt like giving up but its the people who reminded me that if I cannot overcome this challenge, how can I deal with future challenges? Until now, I think I have grew numb or you could say, stronger, and less affected by the cats in the corridors. (Cats which I used to be really really afraid of and would be unable to move when they come near. Gotten too much shocks by them already although I am actually the one disturbing them.)

3) THE PEOPLE!!
In my life so far, everything that I held out for was due to the lovely companions I have who accompany me on my journey to learn. The culture, the people, colleagues, volunteers I have come across are really friendly and they talk the initiative to talk to me. It made me feel so comfortable that I think I belong. Working in a corporate sector for a while previously has made me a bit numb to people relationships. I tried at first but gave up after the while due to no avail that I think I became more cold which totally isn't my personality. I miss my personality where I treat all my friends with enthusiasm hence I seek to find a job that help me recover this lost personality of mine.

And I found it!! I'm still trying to adapt and retrieve my loss through interactions with people but I can say that the progress is good, well advancing. For example, like today, I was super worried that I am going for this whole day event whom I do not know anyone! I was even dreading the night event because I really want to go home early to compensate my early start in the morning. After the whole day, my concerns were uncalled for. When I met my colleagues (whom I have not seen or don't really know them), I was worried for the awkward silence. But they just spoke to me, ask me questions which made me feel really comfortable. There are many silences since it has been a long time when I was more enthusiastic and knew what to say but I feel comfortable in these silences. And I thickskinnedly listened to their conversations but they did not reject or subtly show me a disgusted look for my presence. Instead, they asked me to come and sit nearer to them. I was so so touched by those simple words. Poof! My worries disappeared immediately! And I learn a thing or two from those real conversations I had!

During the night event, I even met someone whom I had so much to talk with without having to filter my words. It just all came up like the water flowing down the river. Of course, I don't know if she might feel uncomfortable or judge me which I am not quite bothered by. More importantly, I value the fact that I can converse so comfortably with someone I just met and this fact surpass my worry that she might judge me. I sincerely hope that she has also enjoyed the convo as much as I had!

So this pretty much sums up my entire relaxing experience. And really, when you work for the money VERSUS working from the heart, it really makes a lot of difference! Try it if you can and experience it for yourself how much an unpaid job can give more value than money!

PS: I finally understand the saying, Be who you are. A loud, joyful, uncaring for people's opinions, ME was my previous personality. I say what I want and be happy while having so much worries. But when I wished that I would be softer, listen more to people's words, I got my wish but I lost the more valuable, happy go lucky personality forever. Right now, I'm trying to carve a balance and find what I lost but it will no longer be the same. Whats gone will be gone but cherish what you have, your strengths and focus on them. Don't try to change your weakness because it will even overthrow your strengths. Life is not perfect, no one is without a weakness. Just be who you are and quit envying people. They don't have your precious values.

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