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JAN 17 Reflection}
Monday, February 6, 2017 | 11:31 AM | 0Comment
"New Year, New Me!" That's what everyone says every year, isn't it?
Every year, I start with a new resolve, to do better than last year, to overcome all my bad habits and become a better person. But what stays until the end of the year? Most definitely it isn't those that I have established at the start of the year. In fact, nothing stays. It changes every now and then, so often as I'm always affected by the new influences in my environment that I always have different thoughts now and then.
That was how I have lived the past 20 years of my life. Now that I'm 21, apparently that's the age where everyone says that its the most important year of your life, which I easily conform to normalities, I shall agree. I shall agree that since this is the most important year, I'll make it as SIGNIFICANT as my past years. Ever since entering the age of 18, every year has been a memorable year.
At 18, I was in my CCA's EXCO which was the best year of my polytechnic days. The family I gained, the friendships I forged, the knowledge and experience I gained from planning events, preparing logistics and camps, attending and hosting adults events has shaped me as a person. I mature from listening to others' thoughts and opinions, learning to behave according to the occasion and working together with my like-minded "family members" who thought me hard knowledge and soft skills of how to care for people.
Within my own development, I learnt to be more independent by reducing my reliance on my parents. I realised that almost everything can be achieved by myself if I just take that one step out and explore. I started exploring different parts of Singapore, going to unfamiliar places with Google maps. It was a way which I step out of my comfort zone and also discover my love for exploration. Sure, unfamiliar places might be scary or uncomfortable. "There are still a lot that I do not know of and maybe I should ask someone more experienced before I try out new things" I did have such discouraging thoughts. But then again, Poly and my friends have taught me that there is no such thing such a straight path in life. Just like how I went on an unexpected journey to enter Poly unlike my "NORMAL" route to go JC as I have planned for years, life does not give in to plannings. There is no perfect plan and change is the only constant. I jollywell have to lead myself then since no one will be there to guide me. Afterall, being in the EXCO means that I'm naturally not a follower.
At 19, I was invited into the council to contribute. That didn't work out, I realised after a few months. I decided that even if I wish to mature, I'm still not good enough to entertain politics that I have no interest in. Its just a waste of my energy and time. I could have spent such energy on more important things than stress over it. That was over pretty soon after I completed my first task and I'm defintely grateful that no one bothers to contact me. At the same time, I stepped down from EXCO. There was so much gladness and soft regrets? EXCO really took up much of my time which led my results to be its opportunity costs. For a normal poly student like my class friends, I would definitely be called CRAZY. But that was what young and craziness was all about, isn't it? Afterall, when will I have such chance again. [It took me so long, now that I'm in Uni to realise that my EXCO team was GOD's gift. I guess never would I be in such a perfect team ever again where everyone works together without having to spell out things and every opinion is carefully considered. Work was fun, friendships and bonds were precious] Soft regrets were that I would no longer meet this family as often as I had and our lovely hangout now no longer belongs to us. But this giving up of my role meant that I can now guide my juniors in what I have previously done. It didn't go as well as I expected it to be, as afterall they had different thoughts of being an EXCO and I guess I should have realise from then that not every team formed is as fortunate as ours.
In the middle of the year, in June, I went to Taiwan for an overseas volunteer-leadership programme for 12 days. That was my longest overseas trip ever and what I have dream for since year 1 - to go on an overseas trip with my school friends. It was an entirely different experience. Unlike my previous overseas trips where there was some learning but more of shopping and recreation, this one was a lot of "studying". There were many trainings to be a social leader and opportunities to visit social organisations. My mind was way broaden by all those valuable experiences which I have undergone. With that, travelling took on a total different meaning. Friends were not as awesome as I though it would be as I guess thanks to the fact that I'm an introvert which hindered conversations ideas, but then again, I made friendships too with people that will be more likely to last. AND the best is I can depend on Teresa everytime I am tired of socialising. It was a whole lot of different fun as compared to being in camps together. I overcame the worst and I gained deep friendships and experiences, that's what's more important, isn't it?
Then I had my 6 months internship during my second sem. It was another maturing opportunity. I guess I can say that I have fulfilled my dream of working in a corporate setting in Raffles Place like what I have imagined for years, always wanting to model my Mother. She was what I thought for about 16 years of my life to be a successful career woman. With a personal desk and full drawn window with MBS view, friendly colleagues and boss, a perfect GPA score, the only thing I can complain is how the work does not click with my personality. From day 1, it was a struggle achieving sales which was never my forte but I'm glad to say that this was a gift for me to know what I do not like. Again, I overcame the worst with lovely friends for lunch to destress and I earned way much more maturity and working experience.
I learnt driving during this time too, and it really doesn't fit into my timeline and I can't remember how I manage this part into my busy life too, but I got my license the following year in Feb after failing once.
At 20, I travelled twice with friends and twice with my family. This was really a high record! I embarked on my virgin trip with my friends in July. Another eye-opening experience ever since 18, I planned, researched and CREATED this entire trip with my friends. I would really want to boast that I am proud of this trip because I was able to see from another perspective and learnt to appreciate my trips with my famiy. There was no guidance, no back-ups, no back-outs, literally my mental state was challenged once again. It was very much valuable time spent as I learnt to observe different characters and up-bringings. It taught me never to have expectations for anything and to be more open-minded towards different opinions. All of us are from different backgrounds and therefore have different thoughts and ways to do things. I really learnt the hard way to accept how things is and learnt to plan in advance before a trip.
My second trip was with my best friends, people whom I could really really depend on. It was pretty much a last minute decision which I really do not know how I could put it off and survived. We only decided two months before the trip and after a short session to consolidate our permissions to travel, we flew. Tickets were bought, research was done, bookings were made, never had an itinery and well, we flew. What the first trip taught me was to be an open-minded traveller and not have expectations. I went with that mindset and it proved to be a blast! I learnt way much more about my lovely friends' characters than I had in the past 10 years of our friendship. But I realised what held us closely together is that we had similar upbringings and therefore, similar taste in almost everything. I was more like-minded with them which I was able to be at peace at most things and I learnt to chill and relax.
What differentiate the two trips was my role. I was way too much of a leader in the first, perhaps dominating way too much that could have led my friends to be uncomfortable, but also because we had different thoughts on my decisions. The second one, I was an equal, or maybe a follower too. Decisions were taken turns to be made and everyone agreed and were comfortable with it. Or at least I was quite comfortable to conform. There were little sacrifices to make and hence I enjoyed. But it was also because of the impact from the first trip that taught me and matured me as a person to better the second one.
My family trips were definitely the opposite of my friends trips. The last trip to Taiwan in December merely strengthen my opinion for family trips. Perhaps because I was able to make many decisions in my friends' trip, this trip was just a "following" trip. My role was just to be present and if I don't consider making decisions to be so important, its just shopping and enjoying. Afterall, there are different considerations such as money concerns which I had between the two trips genres. It helped me see a different view of Taiwan (because mom says that everything is expensive but I previously thought everything was cheap) and I enjoyed time with my family. As I grow, I spend lesser time with them as I'm not exactly an expressive person, hence the trip made me more relaxed to depend on my family more.
In Aug, school started. Uni life which I THOUGHT would be a repeat of POLY hit me hard straight in the face. STRESS, MINDBLOWN, ANXIETIES were all invisible boxing gloves hiting me everywhere. Another period of maturity which I went through. I can't remember the last time in POLY when I had it so tough without friends. I realised that with friends, I can survive anything but without them, I was nothing. Schoolwork was TOUGH, friendships were difficult to forge. But from another perspective, I learnt that everyone is always alone. Friends will not always be here for you, but you will always be present in your own life. Being alone was something which I have always taken for granted since I always had a good mix of time being alone and being surrounded. What could I do then? I could only accept it and then make it better instead of complaining all the time. Thinking back, I was more or less alright with being alone actually. Since PSLE, I have chosen my own secondary school and applied for overseas trips without considering the fact that I have friends to be with. The only big decision I made was to follow my friend to her CCA and guess what, its hers, not mine, it was never mine to begin with and therefore I never belong. Instead, those decisions that I had made, I suck it up and make the best out of it. I can proudly say that I did not regret it. Sure it was hell during the period of time but after that I learnt a valuable lesson. Every experience was valuable regardless of what others say.
And here I am, facing the unknowns of the age of 21... The first month of Jan has just passed and I resolved to completing some of my goals which I have created for myself to create another awesome 21. It has to be awesome, I must do things that I enjoy, afterall, counting ahead, I don't have much time to do reckless things.
This year's goals are really crucial. I need to work and save up A LOT for my trip to have a heaven 22. I need to write a blog post every month to better my writing skills. Its just another 3 years to 24, a age where I am more or less considered an adult and what I'm most afraid of is that looking back, I have nothing to say that I have achieved to become an adult.
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