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a Midsummer Night Dream ~}
Friday, July 20, 2018 | 10:43 AM | 0Comment
It was a midsummer night dream. It didn't felt like it really happened. Once I'm back home, everything fell into place. I was back to my usual routine of being my old "self", meeting friends, behaving normally and dealing with toxic people and matters. That four months didn't feel real at all, that self that I once had been seems like it hadn't exist at all. But the photos, gifts and memories proved it all real...
Its still hard to believe that I had survived four months by myself in a foreign country, although its in a protected environment. God has been kind to me. There had been small difficult times but more of happy, fortunate, safe moments. I don't think I will ever regret this decision I had made.
February
I landed in Korea on the 22nd. I had 10 days to tour with mom. It had been a fun and stressful period. It was great travelling with mom because I was being taken care of all the time. Mom took care of alot of things for me, bringing me around, helping me to settle with my dormitory and school, so I felt more rest assured and didn't have to fret. Now I'm appreciative of all these that mom had done for me. But there and then, it was an extremely stressful period. I probably have never spent such a long time with mom, after I grew up. 10 extreme days, 240 hours together. Having my own opinion and constantly being tested my mom about my direction sense, I was so tired of it that I even broke down and cried. It was a totally terrible period for me. Having the same character of mom means that I understand where she is coming from but it also meant that we have the same temper and it really makes me feel helpless at times since I do not have the say. But also because of this period, I felt so happy instead of lost after mom left.
March
I was scared at first, the first day I was on my own. But I also heaved a sign of relief, having the opportunity to be on my own and make my own decisions. There was no one to test my decisions! That freedom was beyond description. I could decide where I want to go, when I want to leave and return home, what I want to buy or eat and basically rest whenever I want. No nagging, no control, no challenge. Of course, without all these, comes the price of loneliness. I start to realise that I am on my own now, there is no choice but to toughen up and enjoy myself. At the same time, I had no time to think. Lessons were from 9am to 6pm. 7pm onwards were for dinners, shows and homework. Weekends were spent with homework. There was no time to think about home. The only time I thought about home was when I was starving. I miss that homecooked food so badly, that love and care from the food and the healthy diet. But other than that, this young spirit had no time to think. I was concerned about keeping myself busy and making friends. God introduced many kind people to my life. They brought me around, had lunches with me, It was a midsummer night dream. It didn't felt like it really happened. Once I'm back home, everything fell into place. I was back to my usual routine of being my old "self", meeting friends, behaving normally and dealing with toxic people and matters. That four months didn't feel real at all, that self that I once had been seems like it hadn't exist at all. But the photos, gifts and memories proved it all real...
Its still hard to believe that I had survived four months by myself in a foreign country, although its in a protected environment. God has been kind to me. There had been small difficult times but more of happy, fortunate, safe moments. I don't think I will ever regret this decision I had made. February I landed in Korea on the 22nd. I had 10 days to tour with mom. It had been a fun and stressful period. It was great travelling with mom because I was being taken care of all the time. Mom took care of alot of things for me, bringing me around, helping me to settle with my dormitory and school, so I felt more rest assured and didn't have to fret. Now I'm appreciative of all these that mom had done for me. But there and then, it was an extremely stressful period. I probably have never spent such a long time with mom, after I grew up. 10 extreme days, 240 hours together. Having my own opinion and constantly being tested my mom about my direction sense, I was so tired of it that I even broke down and cried. It was a totally terrible period for me. Having the same character of mom means that I understand where she is coming from but it also meant that we have the same temper and it really makes me feel helpless at times since I do not have the say. But also because of this period, I felt so happy instead of lost after mom left. March I was scared at first, the first day I was on my own. But I also heaved a sign of relief, having the opportunity to be on my own and make my own decisions. There was no one to test my decisions! That freedom was beyond description. I could decide where I want to go, when I want to leave and return home, what I want to buy or eat and basically rest whenever I want. No nagging, no control, no challenge. Of course, without all these, comes the price of loneliness. I start to realise that I am on my own now, there is no choice but to toughen up and enjoy myself. At the same time, I had no time to think. Lessons were from 9am to 6pm. 7pm onwards were for dinners, shows and homework. Weekends were spent with homework. There was no time to think about home. The only time I thought about home was when I was starving. I miss that homecooked food so badly, that love and care from the food and the healthy diet. But other than that, this young spirit had no time to think. I was concerned about keeping myself busy and making friends. God introduced many kind people to my life. They brought me around, had lunches with me, and entertained me. I was really grateful for this company. Otherwise I think I might not be able to survive being alone. It was much better than my year 1 uni life. April The period of cold weather cherry blossoms came and left all too quickly. Progressing into my second month, I became more adept with my routine, my friendships blossomed, and mid terms came. It was an extreme busy period of struggling with Korean class and mid terms. But it was also the time I decided that I cannot miss this lovely cherry blossoms period. Studies became my second priority as I start to go out more often, with friends or alone. Being alone was enjoyable. I could go whereever I wanted and even staying out for one entire day. I became selfish as well, as I no longer need to wait for anyone when I go out. I went out with people but I enjoy being alone more. Of course, home food was missed even more as I chant the local Malay food names with my roommate. I went around, and got to see cherry blossoms and took many pictures. It really was a pity that my background was so pretty but not my clothes. It was still freezing cold to dress nicely. May 2 months passed really quickly. It became my third month and I start to cherish my time in Korea. Korean finals came, sickness came which caused me to skip finals, both willingly and unwillingly. If I had known that there would be consequences for skipping finals, I would not have done that. The workload proved to be a toll on my body. The feeling of no one taking care of me when I'm sick, was definitely experienced. But after that experience of stomach flu in year 1 when I was really sick and sad, this experience became easier to handle. I prayed to God everyday, to please keep me safe and not be sick. I'm thankful that God answered my prayers and I only became sick in this period when I could somehow afford to. It was a blessing actually. After Korean class ended, I had too much time on hand. I began to explore more places. Of course, with the class ending, my best friend went home too, making me more alone than ever. But I trained myself not to be bothered with that, and diverted my attention to finding new places so as not to regret. God treated me well again. During this time, I had more time to go out with my other friends. Our friendship blossomed and I didn't feel that alone, as much as I thought. Thank you God. June This last month was both looking forward to home and wanting to stay longer in Korea. It was a period that I really cherish very much. I went out more than ever to buy more things so that I will not regret. But my stamina also dropped significantly. I no longer go out for the whole day. Instead, it was just one afternoon or one morning. At the same time, I was busy preparing for finals as well. Towards the end, my relationships with my other friends became so nice that I was really shocked that they were sad to part with me. I mean, I know that I cannot click with them 100% and so was rather open minded. But they were really nice, telling me that they would miss me. I was also too greedy towards the end, buying too many things that I could not stuff into my luggage. For the first time, I understood what mom meant by don't buy too much because its difficult to pack. For the first time in my life, I had to pack my own luggage. I threw away bags of things that I had such a hard time parting with. But what is harder is to stuff them into my luggage. When I finally finished, I was a desperate girl, with one big luggage, a carry-on and two super heavy backpacks, dragging to the airport. There, I found out that my luggage were severely overweight. I became that person whom I had once despised, the one who packs their luggage at the airport, an embarrassing scene. I was so thankful that I went to the airport early but at the same time, was facing a second parting with my items. I mercilessly threw away my stuff and finally reached the minimum. It was a hot and desperate memory. I probably cannot forget. I'm thankful that I'm alone so no one I knew was there to witness this embarrassing sight of me. With the check-in luggages reaching the maximum of exactly 40kg, I was totally proud of myself. Then, I dragged two 7 kg backpacks onto the plane, along with the carrier I collected at Lotte after fighting a war with time and China people. It was another desperate sight of me. Resting at the lounge was nice but I failed to be that gracious and pretty sight I wanted to be, just with one sling bag and acting high class. TOTAL FAIL! I'm just thankful to board the plane and finally rest, putting Korea behind me and going back to my mundane life. When I woke up the next morning, everything felt like I woke up from a midsummer night dream. It felt like it didn't happen but my body was tired, everyone was treating me especially well and my luggages were waiting for me to unpack them. Even until now, I couldn't believed that I had lived precariously everyday, praying to God, for a good FOUR MONTHS! I'm not sure if I can ever do this again, being so adventurous to do it alone and whether it will be a similar experience. Writing this brings back so many memories and I thank myself for being so brave to explore the world and fulfiling my dream. I actually do not know if I had grown up but I definitely discovered another side of me. The "me" who behaves somewhat risky in front of people whom I do not know and not have a care about what they think of me. Now that I'm back, I feel like I'm back to that "safe" me, having to meet the expectations people have of me instead of being myself totally. Perhaps another adventure is needed to bring out that real me for a good short break. |
