Who?

The name is Jowelle

Belives in : Photographs preserves the best memories left behind

zaty Adila Next? Next?

Next? Next? Next? Next?

Next? Next? Next? Next?

Next? Next? Next? Next?

I give up, I give up on pleasing people. "You can't please everyone, learn to say NO" this was a saying that I came across in these few years but it did not occur to me its real meaning until this year when I took over the position of centrehead in FOC.

I was excited, passionate to do well better than A for this year. I swear I want to make it a good experience for everyone, just like how it was for me in Toastmasters. Little did I know that 一切都回不去了。I thought I was prepared. I prepared myself for the worst, having learnt to have no expectations of people. But I set high expectations for myself. I wanted to be as good as WK, but I came to learn that I will never be as good as him. I thought he was a nice person who could help me alot and since thats the case, I should simply try to be in his good books so that he can constantly help me. But time is not on my side. Once, became twice and thrice that I kept failing him and I have never seen him so disappointed but he did. I hate the thought of having to disappoint someone who believes in me but I felt that it was so difficult that it became so unbreathable for me. I'm not sure if this is my excuse but after I learnt to let go and not try to appeal to him, I felt so much better.

This position really taught me hard about time. Everyone has the same amount of time and it really voices down to how you spend it. I chose it this way, I try my best not to regret it but I will do my best to make it an achievement for myself. There are too many others whom I disappoint too but I really cannot afford them anymore. I tried, I know I tried and if they cannot understand, I'm sorry but I have to let u go. I'm not willing to sacrifice my loved ones and friends for these people whom I don't know long enough. They might be good people but I don't have enough trust in them.

Another thing I learnt is to be less sensitive and have less expectations for people. These FOC people are really, nice, but sarcastic. Whats there to laugh about for someone who have fears for cycling. Isn't there such thing called emphathy? I know I don't have to please these people but yet I constantly question myself why do I even try to meet up to their expectations. I'm just not them, I don't have to be them. I JUST WANT TO BE MYSELF. 

I'm tired of not sorting out my priorities and giving those unimportant people to rule my life. It all voices down to my mindset anyways. The only person I have to defeat is MYSELF and I will gladly do that.

And now, I basically have everything that I could ask for. My life is peaceful, I pray for no externalities that will disturb this peace. I have a loving family, a sweet boyfriend, supportive friends, a studies which I have much to improve on. I don't see what else more do I need but I need to work on learning how to stop pleasing people. I never will and can please them enough so why not JUST STOP?



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