With my throat condition worsening within the first two months of work, starting in March and the condition came up as early as April, I was already regretting this choice. I thought I can pull through this condition and did therapy and endoscopy but therapy can only help as much. Every week felt like an uncertainty, 'Will I pull through this week without an MC?" I thought to myself. 

My inability to decide came up as everything was so perfect. The environment was open, the colleagues were collaborative (minus the gossips), the leader was loving where I could work and improve on my own, I had free meals and I was losing weight consistently. I'm unsure if I will be able to find a better environment. Sometimes I thought to myself, all these perks exceed my throat condition. 

But as October came and boss mentioned that she is going to inform us of the deployment of classes next year, I made an undecided but haste decision of just letting all go to leave. Once and for all. Boss was quite apathetic of my situation and even cried, which made all my confidence to talk went down. I was stuttering because I just could not cry. I was sad but resolute I'm leaving. She respected my decision and even told me that I will only get my 13 months bonus if I work until end of Feb. She also gave me many options to rest but I don't think I want to do this child-rearing job after my rest. 

Somehow I have rather mixed feelings now. I feel guilty towards boss and kept thinking how I am going to face her in the next week months. Can I still smile and laugh? But at the same time, I am glad to be clear of this by next year, and thought that I should be feeling happy instead. 

What an episode for my first resignation. What will my next step be and what track will I take?